TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
