Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
