I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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