I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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