My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
