I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
