You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
