i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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