my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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