I looked at my own cervix.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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