Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
