So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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