Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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