I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
