I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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