my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I lost the right to judge tonight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
