So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
