and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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