me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
