Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
