Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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