A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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