I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
