There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
