I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He better not be in your backpack
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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