I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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