I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.