Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.