I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud