it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?