it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.