Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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