On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
