I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
