I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
As shirtless as possible
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
