first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
