mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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