put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
