Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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