some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
me + whiskey = a bad person
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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