Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
