I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize