Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
