it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
