This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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