Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
