is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and she was petting her beer can
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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