Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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