Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im part way to drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
