How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
