theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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