I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
