my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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