Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
