dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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