we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
