Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
