I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
