dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
