Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.