My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night