she woke up with a sticky ear
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?