I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu