Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far