Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer