It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?