def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
