Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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