Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
