I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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