Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
FUCK WHALES
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
