I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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