Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
