You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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