At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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