fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
