Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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