its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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