theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
