I wish I could teleport
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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