Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
