Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
